The 3 Question Framework to Help You Support Neurodivergent (ADHD/Autism/AuDHD) Employees

Most managers want to support their neurodivergent team members, they just don't know how without making it weird or othering. 

Here's the framework I teach: 

Question 1: "What conditions help you do your best work?" 

NOT: "What accommodations do you need?" (frames them as the problem) 

YES: "What conditions help you do your best work?" (frames environment as adjustable) 

This works because: 

• It's a question you could ask anyone 

• It focuses on optimisation, not deficit

• It gives them language to describe needs without shame

Question 2: "What's getting in the way of that right now?" 

NOT: "What's wrong with you that makes this hard?" (assumes personal deficit) 

YES: "What's getting in the way?" (assumes environmental factors) 

This identifies: 

• Specific friction points (not vague "struggles")

• Actionable changes (not personality flaws) 

• System problems (not individual problems) 

Question 3: "What would need to change for you to access your full capacity here and how can we support you?" 

NOT: "How can we help you keep up with everyone else?" (assumes they're behind) 

YES: "What would unlock your full capacity?" (assumes growth when supported) 

This signals: 

• You believe in their capability 

• You're willing to change systems, not just offer exceptions 

• Their success matters to team performance 

  
  

How to use this framework: 

1. Ask these questions in regular 1:1s [not special "accommodation meetings"].

2. Actually implement what they tell you [don't ask if you're not willing to change anything]. 

3. Make changes systemically when possible. If flexibility helps them, it probably helps others too. 

4. Follow up on what's working "We changed X last month—is that helping? What else would help?" 

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What this creates: 

• Psychological safety to be honest about needs 

• Proactive support (before crisis) 

• Optimisation mindset (not accommodation) 

• Retained talent who feel genuinely supported

REMEMBER: You don't need to be an expert in neurodiversity, you need to be curious about how different brains work best.

Try these three questions this week and come back and tell me what you learned.