You have not lost control. You've lost the ILLUSION of control.
In all my conversations this week there are a lot of common themes.
People are scared, people are tired, people are confused, or uncertain.
But since I’m a coach who likes to take almost every answer I’m given and crack it open to see what’s REALLY going on, I do. And here’s what’s often at the centre of our uneasiness:
ALL MY PLANS HAVE BEEN RUINED. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN!
Ahhh, I say. Nod. Smile.
Then, gently, “I know. But here’s the thing. You never did.”
Read the following sentence please, out loud if you will. And then read it again:
You have not lost control.
You have lost the illusion of control.
You never had it.
You never will.
Every single thing you are experiencing now- ill health or the possibility of it, the inability to travel or visit overseas, loss of jobs or income, the closure of your favourite café, the collapse of retail- all of those possibilities always have been – AND ALWAYS WILL BE- on the table.
That may sound bleak to you. I get it. I really do. But I share it with you not to bring you down, but as an offering. Even if it’s harsh, think of me like some Buddhist Bitch, ok?
When you really, truly grasp the concept of impermanence as a framework for your reality, and the concept of non-attachment as an antidote to your suffering, there is a freedom and focus that becomes accessible.
I go back and forth between being all in on this acceptance and my commitment wavering while I stomp my foot and sulk about how unfair it all is. I’m human, and I am perfectly imperfect. But I keep trying and, I gotta be honest, on the back of the very intense years of personal work I’ve been doing, this whole current situation feels like a final exam. And I feel like I’m acing it.
I am not minimising your feelings of fear, or sadness, or even anger. Let’s be honest, there’s probably never been such a time that you are entitled to your negative emotions. They make sense. But if you stay there? If you let all your actions come from that place? Those feelings? You may be passing by a wonderful opportunity to try something else.
If you can switch your viewpoint from criticism (finding all the things that are wrong right now and, hint, there’s a lot) to curiosity (looking for what you can learn, new things to try, seeing how it feels to relax into a different pace), you see what you have and what may be, not just what you’ve lost.
If you need some help navigating your “new normal” and (as one client put it) getting from the “Motherf**er!!!!” stage to “I’m a badass motherf**ker!!” stage, I’m currently taking booking for one on one, couples and family sessions for the months of April and May. Book here. Limited spaces available!